I was thinking of some old sayings I used to hear growing up:

If the dog had'nt stopped to take a **** he'da caught the rabbit.

Yeah, you'll **** if ya eat regular.

I aint seen you in a coon's age.

If a buzzard had a piano up his ass ther'ed be music in the air.

Want in one hand and **** in the other and see which one gets full first.

Rare as chicken teeth.

Eat up with the dumb ass.

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest.

Dont piss on my leg and tell me its rainin'.

That's slicker than two eels in a bucket of snot.

He's so ugly mom had to tie a ham around his neck so the dogs would play with him.