How About A Joke Thread

[Lizzy Borden]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker
lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing
some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the
street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She
jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the
trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,

the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck
door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he
says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK!"

[porky]

bill was explaining to fred the wonders of viagra. how he could satisfy betsy and the relationship was going well. fred wanted to know were he could get his hands on some of this wonder pill, and bill told him he could get all he wanted at the drug store. puzled fred asked if he could get it over the counter, to witch bill replied if i take 2

[loodvig]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker
lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing
some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the
street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She
jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the
trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,

the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck
door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he
says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK!"

[Squizzy]

I saw a bumper sticker the other day on a large 4 wheel drive it said
"Did you miss your cat? Because i didn't!"

[Squizzy]

A lady asks her husband if she can have a breast enlargement. Her husband replies and says" i have a cheaper solution, take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts twice a day for a couple years".to which she replies "well thats not going to do anything"
"But thats where you are wrong" the husband replies, "Just have a look at what has done to your ass!"

[Squizzy]

Guts or balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do
you really



know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,


the definition for each is listed below.

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are

you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of

perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass

and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject

[Squizzy]

A jumbo jet is coming into Brisbane Airport on its final approach.The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Brisbane. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Brisbane."
He forgets to switch off the intercom.
Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Brisbane?"
Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.
Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge boobs and hot ass out
for dinner.
I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my
room, and put it in her big time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking
up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile, the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane.
She's so embarrassed that she starts to run toward the cockpit to turn the
intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she
goes.
The old lady leans over and says:
"No need to hurry, dear, He's gotta take a shit first."

[Squizzy]

A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg.
His friend says, "My feet are cold mate .
Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please."
The guy goes upstairs,
and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters.
"Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His mate yells back, "Yea of course, both of them."

[Squizzy]

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They
just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men .... Men are like a fine wine. They begin
as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

[Squizzy]

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his
father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal
with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get
your hair cut and we'll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father
if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the
father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud
of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible
diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've
been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses
had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked every where they
went."