Author - Curtis Gay

  BAD ROCK 

Here’s a story known by more than a few

About when John and Jimmy Thrift were an underground crew.

Big John was the leader and he pushed hard,

Didn’t want to hear it when Jimmy got tired. 

They were burying cable in Chapel Hill

Going great guns-looking good--- until---

Instead of easy digging red clay ground

Blue granite rock was all they found.

They dug and they did their very best,

With rock bars, jack hammers, and all the rest.

They tried over, under, around, and through,

Jimmy and John did all they could do.

Big John went to his boss said ”Ben, we’re stuck.”

“We’ve sweat and we’ve prayed, we’re just out of luck.

This job’s got to go and it’s got to go fast,

Only thing we haven’t tried is to blast.”

Ben said” I know just what to do.

I’ll send Johnny D. out there with you.

Johnny’s the best, been ‘round the block.

He’ll show you what to do with that rock.”

Johnny said, “Okay Bucko, here’s what we’ll do.

Go drill us some holes and I’ll be there with you.”

He called us all Bucko, everybody the same,

I think he had trouble remembering a name.

Big John and Jimmy got out the big drill

And soon there were holes all over that hill.

They got everything ready, drug out the big mat,

Told Johnny “We’re ready, it’s your turn at bat.”

Johnny mixed up a stick and stuck it in a hole.

Everybody hid behind the truck and waited the blow.

The ground shook a little bit, they heard a little thunk,

Where once was solid rock was now little chunks.

Big John grinned and said “Amen, that works for me!”

Johnny said “alrighty then, this time we’ll shoot three.”

Once more they hid behind the truck and waited for the worst.

Again ‘twas just a little thunk, no different from the first.

Johnny jumped up and down, said “I’m just full of tricks.

If you think that was pretty good, this time we’re doing six!

We’ve messed around here long enough, this job is getting old,

I’ve got other things to do and my coffee’s getting cold.”

The holes were now all full of dirt, the sticks just barely fit.

The mat was put in place, the backhoe on top of it.

Big John said, “Johnny, I sure hate to doubt,

Are you really sure what you’re talking about?”

Johnny said, “Big John, this here is my show

Get down behind that truck---Fire in the Hole!!”

The hillside exploded throwing rock everywhere,

The backhoe and mat raised three feet in the air.

One great big rock rose up out of the ground,

It was three feet across and just as big around.

Fifty feet into the air, just like it was shot,

Then it fell through the house roof on the next lot.

They looked for Johnny to see if he was okay,

All they saw was his tailgate as he drove away.

Carpenters came up from all over the site,

Some were bleeding, most wanted to fight.

The woman came home and she wasn’t sure

Why Big John was looking through her front door

She asked, “What happened, I heard a big boom.”

“Sorry Maam, but my rock’s in yer living room”

“So please don’t holler, please don’t shout

I’m sure that I can get it out.”

She said, “Just leave, just go away!”

And they haven’t been back to this very day.