Author -
Submitted By -Partial Power
The phone rang a little after dark on Saturday night. It was dispatch and they had a partial power in a duplex. All right, I thought, A little more gravy for the paycheck.
So I hopped in the truck and headed over there. Walking up to the door I noticed several news papers on the porch and wondered if I had come to the right place. I noticed that the front door was covered with about a dozen religious posters, Jesus saves and Pastor Bob will appear next week and so on.
I rang the bell and the dog starts barking, a female voice asks "Who is it?" "I’m from the Electric Department." I said. "What’s your I.D. number?" she asked. "I don’t know." I said. "What is your employee I.D. Number?" She asked, this time a little more stern. "I don’t know, I never carry that. Anyway I don’t need to come in I will just go around back and check things out back there."
The door opens and there she stands, all 247 pounds of her wearing nothing but a worn out mans button shirt and a pair of panties, each boob was bigger than my head. In her hand was a long stemmed wine glass with a blue liquid in it. Wow, I thought. "Your' having electric problems?" I asked "Yes, part of the house is out, Come on in, I want you to have a look at my fuse box" she said now smiling. I don’t know if I took a step back or not but I sure wanted to. "No…um..I’ll just have a look out back and then I’ll let you know what I found." "OK but I want you to come in and see my breaker box."
I headed around back wondering what she might be thinking. God, what if she forces herself on me and then if I refuse she might accuse me of rape or something. So as I check the meter socket out I’m trying to think of my list of character witnesses I can use at the trial. If she gets real bad I’ll wack her in the head with my flashlight. She’s a big girl but I think I can out quick her. OK keep your mind on your business…120/240, just what I thought. Oh jeez, back to the front door.
Ding Dong. Here she is. "Well you have good power at the meter" I said. I’m thinking she might be a little drunk now that I look at her closer, hmm well she really isn’t that bad looking in the face. The dog is behind her barking up a storm and she says "hang on a minute." Then she turns around with her back to me and bends over to quiet the dog and she just holds that pose for about 10 seconds. I’m telling you! That butt was a good 3 feet across. I could make a good generator cover out of them panties, I thought.
Finally she comes back around. "Come in, I want you to look at my breakers. They are down in the basement" "OK" I said. By this time I’m pretty sure I can whip her if I have to, tightening the grip on my flashlight. I followed her in. At the head of the stairs she calls down, "Mark, the electric guys is here." Thank God, somebody else is here….oh no, somebody else is here. Oh well this flashlight is good and heavy. Down we go. There is Mark lying in bed, "This is my husband Mark," she said pointing to him. "Hi" I looked at him and realized that he was gassed, half passed out under the covers. He mumbled something to me but never got his head out from under the covers. As we walked by the TV she said, "Our TV is blue." I didn’t know what to make of that statement and didn’t respond.
Ahh the breaker panel. I opened it up and sure enough there was a tripped breaker. I showed her how to identify a tripped breaker and how to turn it on. She then confessed "I did something real stupid" "What did you do" I asked. "Well I cut an extension cord that was still plugged in," she said. "That would do it" I responded.
We then started back out and she stopped by the TV and said "do you want to have a look at our blue TV?" "Alright." She turns on the TV and there is the same blue screen that everybody in town sees when they turn on the cable TV. She points at it and says, "Do you know what color that is?" "What" I asked. "That is the color of God’s eyes." She said, looking me dead in the eye. Oh man…..Here it comes. "All people with blue eyes are Christians." She said. Of course I noticed now that she had blue eyes. I was thinking of all the mean hearted blue eyed people I know when she continued "Can I make a prophecy to you?" At this moment I noticed that she was square between me and the door and there is no getting around this woman unless I walk over the bed that Mark is passed out in. "Ok" I said, like I had a choice here. "If you just tell Jesus that you f**ked up and that you are angry, he will come in there and heal you." She said, tapping me on the chest. "And then my eyes will turn blue?" I asked trying to keep a straight face. She looked a little surprised at this and stammered "n no, you’ll still have brown eyes but you’ll have Jesus in you heart" with this she moved aside a little and I made my break for the door saying "well I feel pretty good in that area." She brightened up a bit and said "good." "Well I got to go now," I said heading for the stairs. "Bye" Mark says….. "Bye" I said. "Thanks for the help." She said and out the door I went.
The night air never smelled better as I broke the plain of the door. Well I guess I got that, I said to myself and headed home